- On a day off from work (which was a weekday) he spent the day doing stuff for me - sewing on buttons that had fallen off work shirts, he took my car to be cleaned inside and out (which, if you'd seen my car, you'd know is quite a mean feat) as well as fixing the broken wheel trims on it, he glued a piece of my jewellery that had recently broken, investigated hotels for a wedding we've been invited to in July, and took my laptop to two different shops to get quotes to fix it
- When I was compiling the list for our monthly food shop, he asked me to put on the list certain vitamins which he'd learnt from an infertility documentary were good for sperm production and had he'd set himself a reminder to tell me to do so
- After finding out that a friend of mine was pregnant with her fourth child (this friend here, say no more......) he met me at the station with a bunch of flowers
- We had an evening of cheese, wine and my favourite boxset (at my suggestion, but it was a lovely evening)
- When I went away for a day to my old university town, he wasn't working that day but got up before I left for the sole reason of giving me a hug before I left then went back to bed
- He replaced the broken cover on my phone (badly, so he needs to do it again, but that's not the point!)
- He's agreed to see counsellor to talk about our issues; to ensure that there is no repeat and to develop strategies to ensure, as best he can, that it won't happen again. He's not actually found one and made an appointment yet but still, he's agreed to it
- He cooked me dinner one evening, mainly from scratch
- I got in from work one evening and wasn't in the mood to go to our usual exercise class that night as I had a bit of a black cloud hanging over me so he took me out for a long walk instead. We were nosey at houses in some of my favourite local roads and ended up in the local park by the river at sunset
And he says he's planned a day out next week, when I have some time off, incorporating all the things I like - a restaurant I've been going on about trying for at least a year, an exhibition on the South Bank, being by the river and a few other bits and pieces.
For the two weeks after we had our 'mid-term review' (details here) there is also a completely and utterly different atmosphere at home, the tension has just dissipated. I was no longer annoyed with him as he wasn't doing anything, he was no longer annoyed with me as he thought he'd done what I asked him and couldn't understand why I was still grumpy. So at least we're moving forwards. I have said that I don't care how small the steps are I just could not do those horrendous circles anymore. Still a long way to go but things have definitely changed. But last week I had a little black cloud hanging over me, I still didn't feel as if things were 'right'.
Maybe because I knew the end of our month was coming and I was nervous, not knowing how the conversation would go. I was worried we'd hit another wall, that he'd claim he'd done all he can and what more could I expect from him. It didn't help that I was coming to the end of term at work. Whilst I am full time in the role I have in our education system, the end of term is still a relief as there is more pressure during term time. Whilst I was still working during the school holidays it is a far more relaxed environment and so those pressures were all mounting too.
It all hit me the Friday the week before our deadline and therefore the Friday before the last day of term. I'd gone for a few drinks after work with friends, as I usually do, and as I left the pub I had the strongest urge I have ever had to just sleep. Right there and then. On the pavement in Central London. The closest thing I can compare it to is jet lag, that feeling that just overwhelms you and you just have....... to...... SLEEP.
The feeling continued into the following week, the last week of term. I was just exhausted. Absolutely, completely and utterly exhausted. Probably a mix of things actually - the end of term, coming to the end of the academic year itself, the fact we weren't going away (we hadn't booked a holiday for this break for obvious reasons) for the first time since I started this job three years ago and then there's the emotional turmoil of the past few months. I was just done. I had been in bed asleep before 9pm every night that week and it still wasn't enough. Hubby took one look at me as I walked through the door on the Thursday of that week and suggested that we go away for the weekend. I had no brain power to even make the decision so I waited until Saturday morning (the day after the last day of term and the day before deadline day for us) and said I felt as if I could spend the weekend on the sofa in my pjs. Whilst hubby agreed with that sentiment, he said that if I did do that I'd actually spend the weekend doing stuff round the house so wouldn't do nothing - we were going away.
We booked a hotel there and then and got on a train. By lunchtime we were by the seaside. We stopped in a couple of pubs on the way down to the front to watch the football as my team were playing. We checked into our hotel, hubby got us a room upgrade, and we went for a walk down the pier. Sea air and sunshine. Plus we had a Pimms on the pier ☺ I felt so much better. As I have stated before (in this post) I have always found water incredibly therapeutic. It was amazing the difference in me, even by mid-afternoon. After the pier we wandered back into town and had a couple of cocktails before going back to our hotel to change for dinner - which was at one of my absolute favourite restaurants. Hubby had booked a table there Thursday evening when he'd first mooted going away as we know they can get busy, and I'm so glad he did. It was wonderful. We went to another bar for a nightcap and then walked along the seafront.
After breakfast the next day we went and sat on the beach and I just drank it all in. After check out we went for one more wander down there pier before heading to the station to come home. We were back by lunchtime to do some jobs round the house and it genuinely felt like we'd been away for far more than one night. It had felt like a proper holiday, it had only been a weekend but it had been bliss.
We talked that evening. We're both positive. We're not going to continue to review monthly but I have said that the moment I think we stop moving forward I am going to bring it to his attention. He's very close to booking that counselling session I want him to have so we can ensure we don't repeat the mistakes of the past year or so.
Onwards.
Maybe because I knew the end of our month was coming and I was nervous, not knowing how the conversation would go. I was worried we'd hit another wall, that he'd claim he'd done all he can and what more could I expect from him. It didn't help that I was coming to the end of term at work. Whilst I am full time in the role I have in our education system, the end of term is still a relief as there is more pressure during term time. Whilst I was still working during the school holidays it is a far more relaxed environment and so those pressures were all mounting too.
It all hit me the Friday the week before our deadline and therefore the Friday before the last day of term. I'd gone for a few drinks after work with friends, as I usually do, and as I left the pub I had the strongest urge I have ever had to just sleep. Right there and then. On the pavement in Central London. The closest thing I can compare it to is jet lag, that feeling that just overwhelms you and you just have....... to...... SLEEP.
The feeling continued into the following week, the last week of term. I was just exhausted. Absolutely, completely and utterly exhausted. Probably a mix of things actually - the end of term, coming to the end of the academic year itself, the fact we weren't going away (we hadn't booked a holiday for this break for obvious reasons) for the first time since I started this job three years ago and then there's the emotional turmoil of the past few months. I was just done. I had been in bed asleep before 9pm every night that week and it still wasn't enough. Hubby took one look at me as I walked through the door on the Thursday of that week and suggested that we go away for the weekend. I had no brain power to even make the decision so I waited until Saturday morning (the day after the last day of term and the day before deadline day for us) and said I felt as if I could spend the weekend on the sofa in my pjs. Whilst hubby agreed with that sentiment, he said that if I did do that I'd actually spend the weekend doing stuff round the house so wouldn't do nothing - we were going away.
We booked a hotel there and then and got on a train. By lunchtime we were by the seaside. We stopped in a couple of pubs on the way down to the front to watch the football as my team were playing. We checked into our hotel, hubby got us a room upgrade, and we went for a walk down the pier. Sea air and sunshine. Plus we had a Pimms on the pier ☺ I felt so much better. As I have stated before (in this post) I have always found water incredibly therapeutic. It was amazing the difference in me, even by mid-afternoon. After the pier we wandered back into town and had a couple of cocktails before going back to our hotel to change for dinner - which was at one of my absolute favourite restaurants. Hubby had booked a table there Thursday evening when he'd first mooted going away as we know they can get busy, and I'm so glad he did. It was wonderful. We went to another bar for a nightcap and then walked along the seafront.
After breakfast the next day we went and sat on the beach and I just drank it all in. After check out we went for one more wander down there pier before heading to the station to come home. We were back by lunchtime to do some jobs round the house and it genuinely felt like we'd been away for far more than one night. It had felt like a proper holiday, it had only been a weekend but it had been bliss.
We talked that evening. We're both positive. We're not going to continue to review monthly but I have said that the moment I think we stop moving forward I am going to bring it to his attention. He's very close to booking that counselling session I want him to have so we can ensure we don't repeat the mistakes of the past year or so.
Onwards.
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